Dancing Elephant.........

I am daying..Mr..!

What concerns me among multitudes of other sad questions which one had better try to lure aside with parfaits and sunshine, is that there is great sorrow in me now, with many facets as fly’s eye, and I must give birth to this monstrosity before I am light again. Otherwise I shall resemble as dancing elephant. I am tormented by a question of the devils which wave my fibbers with grave ghost and human dung, and have not ability or genius to write a big letter to the world about this. When one makes of one’s heavens and hells a few hunks of neatly written paper and nobody is listening either reading this. It would be too childish of me to say: I want Teddy bear. JUST IN THIS PECULIAR MOMENT if DID NOT WONT HIM! Nevertheless, I do want theatre, light, colour, paintings, wine and wonder. Yet not all these can do more than I try to lure the soul from its den where its sulks in busy heaps of filth and obstinate clods of bloody pulp. I must find a core of fruitful seeds in me. I must stop identifying the seasons all seasons are past tense! I am child of Balkan.Serbia, vice-verse child of mother,from another land!,land of Jewish people! My mother has been Jewish.Somebody has told me:\\"You are Jewish, fuck up!’’Imao, lol/he just thought about his bloody money, did he...?’’ I do not care for your money...Just wash it  in see..eiTher in  bier...lol....O.K. Just stop to  watch me, forward me, listening  my phone calls, spy bags  in p.c.  BECAUSE YOU DON'T CARE..bekac mlekac...idi dodjavola ti i tvoje grabljivice...Greedy birds...Sky over the Belgrade is full of this greedy birds, which come from  Bosnia...made in Bosnia..

Who has imported this  bloody civil war!?Here....Mafia and Radovan Karadzic...Biljana Srbljanovic she is greedy, she has earned money ...How...?She is great  writer, married for vice  ambassador of France..Famous lady..lol..Radovan has been always gambler did you know!? Moreover he is great pshihopatplogist...All of them are made in..out of Serbia...So what my mother is not from here!? I am Jewish..I am alien here. Nikola Tesla has been alien, but he is also Serb but sweat mother land never give it to him hand. Serbia is killing ,eating, her own children..HEAVEN just know this...! Serbian ORtHODOX CHURCH does not have mercy for aliens..So.....

I am watching a pale blue sky to be torn across by wind fresh from the Russian steps. Outside is heat! Why is it that difficult to accept the present moment, whole as apple, without cutting and hacking at to find a purpose or setting up on a shelf with other apples to measure its worth or trying to pickle it in brine to preserve it, and crying to find it turns all brown and is no longer simply to lovely apple I was given in the morning.

Perhaps when we find ourselves wanting everything it is because we are dangerously near to wanting nothing? There are two opposing poles of wanting nothing: for instance, just apple from Garden! When one is so full and rich and has so many inner worlds that outer world is not necessary for joy, because joy emanates from the inner of one is being. When one is dead and rotten inside and there is nothing in the world; not all the woman, food, sun, or mind / magic of others that can reach the wormy core of one has gutted soul planet. No, you could not reach me teddy bear. You are death man, inside; you are shell who has loosed pearl. Where are you now, somewhere on the see?

I want to live each day for itself like a string of collared beads, and not kill the present but cutting it up cruel little snippets to fit some some desperate architectural draft a Paradise the future.