KUBA

                                                                   

                                      KUBA

                   Kuba je poslednji raj na zemlji……Dakle, kao što Vam je

            poznato; poštovana publiko veliku prosvetiteljski obrat dogodio se

            u Raju. Nisu ljudi krivi što su kušali sa drveta saznanja već Bog koji

            nije računao na radoznalost čoveka. Pa su Eto Adam I Eva zgrešili….

            (inače priče o ovom dogadjaju su različite)*…….Ali ako zamislimo

            kako je to moglo da izgleda u Raju mislim, da je Kuba poslednje     

            utočište….Znam kazaćete: » KASTRO, KOMUNIZAM…CRVENE       

            TAČKICE….ali o tome ćemo drugi put J

                        Pa da se vratimo na Kubu, ali ne onu iz mafijaških filmova ili

            priča o salsi već o onoj pravoj gde u noći odzvanja KONGA! Kad se

            jednom čuje; zauvek ostaje kao virus u krvi; dolazi iz stomaka u ušima

            odzvanja poziv afričkih demona iz tame; beli čovek zaključi da ne

            živi već samo postoji.

                        Havana I Santjago si dva najveća grada; njihove oronule fasade

            podsećaju na nekadašnji život kolonijalnih gradova; fenomenologija

            kolonijalnog života koji se odvijao nekoliko vekova na Karibima; okolni

            zalivi još uvek skrivaju u koralnim sprudovima tajne potonulih ladja ali

            i skriveno blago karipskih školjki !!!

I tamo su se nekad ljudi delili na bele (kreole) i crne. Uglavnom      je crnačko stanovništvo koncentrisano u regiji grada Santjago de Cuba; dok je  glavnina plantaža kafe, šećerne trske, duvana u ovoj oblasti. U davna Kolonijalna vremena ovaj grad je imao jednu od najvećih pijaca robova u Latinskoj Americi. Afričkli crnci poneli su sobom osim svojih predanja SANTERIJU; moć crne rase koja može da opstane, da preživi i da savlada dekadenciju bele rase ! Mulati i crnci još uvek žive u sirotinjskim četvrtima Santjaga odakle dopire KONGA i ples robova.

            Belci su sa sobom poveli jezuite koji su se trudili da pokrste crnce prilagodjavajući afrička Božanstva katoličkim svecima. Davno,

pre Kastra  po ukidanju ropstva ,crnci I mulati su hrlili u crkve da bi

odali počast tamnoputom Hristu i svojim svecima koji su zauzeli

počasno mesto na oltaru Katedrale u Santjagu. Dok bi potom u kasna poslepodneva odlazili na plaže da bi tamo do besvesti neobuzdano

vodili ljubav, opijeni zloduhom orgijastičkih kultova, sve do zore u gustom od vlage natečenom vazduhu. Naizgled novi početak nedelje, raspršio bi sav taj svet po ulicama, ali sve je to uticalo na radjanje novog načina života.

            Dok su se bele žene  povlačile u hladovinu svojih senovitih-kolonijalnih kuća; njihove ljubavi su bile katoličke, optrećene grehom praotaca – ognjišta tih dama nikad nisu bila užarena ! Kuće

zavijene u raskošni bršljan, krcate neobaroknim nameštajem odisale su na usedeličku usamljenost, prašinu, lavandu, neispunjena velika iščekivanja bez obzira na čopor dece koja su okružavala te dame.

Ali demoni sa drugog kraja grada sa one strane meseca, polako ali sigurno počeli su da zalaze I u njihove domove; jer muževi tih dama

počeše da odlaze crnkinjama.

            Angel heart. Imaginarna izvesnost postala je fizička prisutnost jer su se izmešale tri svete tečnosti: krv, sperma i mleko! Bele dame su  dalje zadržale svoju urodjenu oholost ali bunilo je počelo da raste tokom sledećih decenija. To bunilo je donelo novu enregiju koja je srušila trošnu katoličku priču o grehu; u predvečerje kad bi vrućina prestala mučkarci i žene krenuše da se raspojasano predaju ljubavi; tako to biva i danas. Vrelo života koje u njima podstiče želju, nezajažljivu potrebu….,novi život – nova ljubav…,Kubanci kao čudnovati spoj energije i odvratne lepljive lenjosti.

            Inače da se vratimo na početak: ŠKOLJKE J

            Ispod planine SIERRA MAESTRA koja se sa svojih 2200.metara

nadmorske visine, strmo spušta u more, živi jedno pleme indijanskog porekla pomešano sa crnom rasom; zaliv imena Ćiviriko. U ovom zalivu

usred Kariba; koji je još jedan dokaz koliko je priroda uzvišena – kao božanski oblik forme; stene se obrušavaju u more. Muškarci iz zaliva Ćiviriko se takmiče u u ronjenju da bi dosegli školjke; veoma duboko

rone dok im je jedina oprema nož oko struka. Po neka školjka ima

u sebi biser, ostale uglavnom intresantnog oblika predmet su naturalne

razmene sa turistima. Školje sa biserom nisu na prodaju, jer njihove dragane zanimaju biseri ali ne kao ukras već su oni deo ljubavne igre

ovih mladih muško – ženskih demona.

            Pošto se zakolje petao u sumrak i oda poštovanje afričkim bogovima popije se rakija od trske i zapali jedan vrsta trave počinje

ritual u čast besmrtnosti ! Biser je dar prirode; neka vrsta ulaznice koja daje pravo onom koji ga je otkrio da učestvuje u ritualu. Biser služi tome da se otvori put u beskonačnost, podstičući uživanje u zaboravu šta je spolja a šta iznutra! Ljudsko biće je andjeo I demon – bezgrešan pred licem Bogova kojima odaje počast nastavljajući život; to više nisu

ljudi koji se samo sećaju nebesa  već u tom ritualu čovek više nije svrgnuti Bog već je obogaćen spoznajom beskonačnosti ! Nema tog straha ili zakona koji će sprečiti muškarca iz zaliva Ćiviriko da ponovo zaroni u potrazi za biserom da bi se iznova sjedinio sa svojim ženskim demonom. O ajkulama ne želimo da pričamo jer Vam je poznat procenat verovatnoće susreta u ovim morima ali neke stvari

nemaju cene.

            U tim njihovim ritualima nema poroka ili greha to je naprosto EROS, strast kojoj sve pripada; ona noć pretvara u orgijastički zanos u poklonjenju čulima. Biser ima svoju putanju u tim igrama; dok nama

Belcima ostaje da samo maštamo o tajanstvenim putevima njegovim !*

            Ovaj putopis je deo mojih uspomena iz godina provedenih na Kubi; ne čini deo nekog mita kao što ni Vudu ili Santerija nije izmišljotina; sve je to kubanska stvarnost. Jer ono što se poslednjih godina može čuti o Kubi je samo ružnija strana svakdnevnice a Kubanci su narod koji zna da uživa i u poslednjoj stvari koju ima, zaista ih je lepo gledati nedeljom na plaži !

To be continued J

ANJA...                                                                                                          

MY FIGHT WITH BIPOLARITY...

Last night, blunted as I was by agony, revolted on food and distant bumbling noise of talk laughter, I ran out of house and walked alone in the park beyond the building. What word blue could get that dazzling drench of blue moonlight  on the flat, luminous field of snow , with the black tries against the sky, each with its particular configuration of branches? I felt shut in, imprisoned, aware that is was fine and shudderingly beatiful, but too gone with pain and aching to respond and become part of it!
The dialogue between me and my Writings  and my Life is always danger of becoming slihltering  shifting of responsability , of evasive rationalizing: in other words:I justified the mess I made of life by saying I'D give it order, form beaty, writing about it: I justified by saying it would so and so, like Lady from Dickens Novel>''Great Expectations''! Now, I have to begin from somewhere , and might be well as well be with life; a belief in me with my limitations, and strong punchy determination to fight to overcome one by one. All this scars, wounds, lust's !
Tomorrow I have meeting with my pshyhitrist and I like him< attractive, calm, considered, well educated. With pleasant felt feeling of age and experience in reservoir : felt; as father..But If I am not ask for help me this agony would kill me; he has helped , to find exit..Now most of the things depends of me..First time on our seance I have burst out in tiers; me calm, so called frigid lady..?! Now we shall run small chat, about food and maybe my walls..Don't know..It sounds refreshing..to speak with somebody..sincerely, without the walls..this bloody feeling that somebody would hurt you if you are sincere..
So this  is all about..
       Anja

Lady with sexy curves or Anorexic fashion model...what did you love more

VOGUE PARTY

How would you like to lock as real female with sexy curves either or anorexic fashion model?

Kate Moss

It is your choice. The Italian Vogue and her editor Franca Sozzani, has lanced champagne against Anorexia. It is very, very good push put out for young girls which would like to lock as anorexic doll. Most of them do not know how it begins while you stop to eat either to vomit food by the help of some false medicines: ‘How to be slim for 5. Weeks” either their just stop to eat day by day. On other side such girls are visiting gyms exhausting their all ready tinny body by exercise which is still not shaped in age of 15 for instance. So miss of lot of food ingredients make it mess in body either in hormonal system so most of such girls lost on the first sight their period. Second another follower is depression, and for sometimes end could be tragic. Mind is out of function because he has lost the Vitamins D 12, B6, B12, etc. Speaking about Fe and Hemoglobin it is also fail down’s what attacks heart and brain function.  The person who is running diet either not eat just stop to think reasonable she have it just one aim. TO BE A SLIM AS POSSIBLE IT IS. For instance like Kate Moss. But they did not know maybe their Idol who is slim have it such fast metabolism; so she could eat anything or she is under some control.

For instance my mother and uncle have it such metabolism for the food, very fast so they could eat and still to be a slim. As far I suppose that Audrey Hepburn was such type of women, famous bailer dancer MARGOT Fountain or Twiggy. As women from Far East they are simply different from Western type of women, very tinny, childish with not so determined secondary sexual traits. No curves on their body like on body of some Mediterranean woman, fine erotic figure which males like it. Some of people of new century like it different: childish women as Lolita, China type of women, or glamour type which is corrected by diets, surgeon’s interventions and exercise. Such type is MAJOR MODEL OF FASHION, MOVIE AND SHOW BUSSINES INDUSTRY. So there are dictating the modus and shaping the taste using the powerfully media; so the girl out of standard average by their rules is fat; women in middle age is not attractive  for some leading role in movie if she is not in modus, with excludes. By the way it is not so easy to find real and good trousers or skirt, dress if you wear no.42!

Personal experience:

Second anorexia could be result of some bad very lousy situation in family so it is possible that she is showing her face in very early age. For instance I am this example. My mother would never like to admit that I am anorexic but I have vomited the food since I have been 5 years old. So she has feed me as turkey for Christmas...and what has been effect: Jo, jog. I began to be fat for time being since the time of beginning of new anorexic circle which has returned by nature of metabolic inside watch.

My anorexic problem has pull out several problems:

Bipolar personalities, as in TV show Tara’s United States. :)

Social problems as alienation and so far panic from people as flier, insecurity, inner deconstruction and for some times self aggression. Well for all this year I have developed good system for another social lock in public but really I did not have friends’ just quittances. My best’s friends are still books and cats.

Well I am not in the mood to speak about other problems caused by anorexia as my controlled Insanity but transferred in creativity. However I have problems and I shall have it till end of my life as it is depression, lost of will, dependence on some medicines and from my variable mood. This was not maybe my choice to lock as some Fashion Idol this was issue in family situation, major source of such problem was my mother. Still today I don’t know who she has been? After my mother has died begins the fourth time in my life of anorexia. I have finished in hospital with 42 kilos for the New Year 2010. But I should have to repeat psychiatrist therapy during this spring, because of other symptoms.

So if you are born as healthy person in good family environment choice is on you.WHY SHOULD YOU MAKE FROM YOUR SELF SOME BODY WHAT IS NOT REALLY YOU..?

TO LOST HEALTH AND MAYBE LIFE...JUST LOCK LIFE FROM ANOTHER SIDE.

Maybe it is better to lock as Kate Winslet or Monica Belluci, good shaped women, curvy women as magazine Vogue says than like Kate Moss or Julia Roberts.

Julia Roberts

Monica Belluci

For the standards of classical beauty Julia Roberts is very ugly women>With great lips, dangling ears, to long lags, small hips, small tits.And she is really bad actress but somebody find that she could earn money with her stupid movies with very well known end.

Maybe you should have to consult your boy friend, male friend, what he really likes. What is real picture on the streets and how the female locks beautiful in each age if she take care about her soul and her body? With measure: Eat, sleep, walk, read, enjoy in life and take it what you could from it. But no try it to be what you could not.

Fashion and high extra couture is just for people with lot of money. By the way they could afford as MADONA everything in her house to be in the best shape with her personal trainer, nutritionists and stylist.

Anorexia and bulimia is the worst choice which leads nowhere.Just in death corner. Just lock on the life on some famous Icons of POST MODERN WORLD.

ARE THEY HAPPY? Did they really satisfy with life? Why they taking not just laxatives and eat like squirrels but they drink and depend on drugs.So this in High Jet Society..Most of all about them is FAIRY TALE..FOR PUBLIC..EVENT THE RICH PEOPLE CRY...

Franca Sozzani

Broken Heart

''Hurt Feelings'' of a rebuff -which suggest the physical nature of the emotional ache. Laughing and crying come spontaneosly  in primal moments of social connection - births and deaths, weedings and long deffered reunions. Distress at separation and joy at bounding both be speak the primal power of connection. When we are need closeness goes unmet, emotional disorders can result. So called ''SOCIAL DEPRESSION''.

Psychologist have coined the term ''social depression'' for the perception of the particular unhappines consed by troubled, threatened relationships. Social rejection - of fear of it = is one of the causes for the anxiety. 

Still when we hope to be YOU, being treated and IT, as we though we do not matter, carries a particularly harsh sting.

People who are self -absorded, best in their own inner world have litle choice but to project that sensibility whomever they perceive. 

So if we could we should try  to do it several things:

To harmonise those four terms:

Strenght

Weakness 

Acceptance

Needs

If we could just to try it to accept our own personality at it is, another people how they are, to understand what we could change and what we could not...we will be in harmony with our self and with out side world..of people and order of words and things by Foucalt.